A shout out to the world.

You know what's amazing to do? Get blown and then listen to the beatles. I am the walrus is the best. And my second favorite is here comes the sun. Because I remember it from the parent trap with lindsay lohan. And that movie made my heart sing. Dude lindsay lohan. That poor girl. I would be like her if I was her. She probably thinks like me. She has had so much plastic surgery. Fainting from mixing pills and drinks. It makes me so sad to think of her. Anyways, the beatles make me feel so happy. I might trip acid and shrooms soon<3 I will keep yall updated on that. Life is pretty wack right now, but whatever. Things with josh are just fucked up. He almost walked out on me again. And I told him if he does then he shouldn't even ever think of my name again and he decided to stay because im a sucker for pain and he won't look out for me. See, he thought me being hurt because I couldn't call him mine was much worse than the death of me inside if he left. So he was saying I would eventually get over it if he left me, I would end up hating him if we continued to talk. And I said no! I would never get over needing you. I may love you but I know you're not it for me. Then he said fine he'll stay because i'm a sucker for pain. I hate people even more, no one makes an effort. I hardly ever talk at school because there is no need to converse with animals. My teachers are dumb. And I think I might fail history this year. I am obbsessed with the song "if you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet" and "the silence" by mayday parade. And also "jesus christ" by brand new. These are the days I feel just a teeny better. When the freezing cold is screaming through the cracks in my window and the cold of my room is inviting. It's funny, how the cold that settles on my bones feels more intimate then the caress of a boy in love with me. I can have any friend of mine over and still have trouble sleeping. I'll sit on my bed alone in the near pitch black room and feel lonely, but knowing the one person who could cure it will never be around here. I'll sleep on nearly the edge of the bed so that the one who carries my burdenful existence will have enough room to climb in behind me and drape his arm around me; I even sleep in vain. The cloud of my breath evaporates into the October skies and my freezing finger tips twitch to be touched. The fog makes love to the streets and sends their off spring out into the world. The rain kisses the ground and spreads across it like the seas. The growl of passing cars and the screech of ambulances put my thoughts in a trance. My memories become so old they rot away into another reality, like translucent dreams. My insomniac heartbeat pulses a whole different beat, then the soft hum it plays during the day. How reluctantly do I slide closer and closer to you, but breathing a little easier once I close the gaps. Withered lies form on my tongue only to be blown in ignorant fools' faces. A tiny silver ribbon is wrapped around my finger for a reminder of why I am still living this blasted life of mine. One that cuts my skin and is also a reminder of why my eyes cry and my heart weeps. My nights spent wide awake are filled with so many yawns they make my eyes water; sometimes i'll wipe them away quick enough where it won't set off a ripple effect in my tear glands. Other times i'll let it glide down my cheek and look at the pattern the splash of it makes on my folded legs. The last time I remember feeling like this was these types of nights, cold and hard. It's just the same, so I know how to behave. Same pilot. Crash landing over and over. The same again and again.